Diary of a Basic Blogger:
It’s one week until Coachella and my dad’s accountant promised me that I could claim a scalped ticket against my taxes because my blogging business is still running at a loss. Some Nigerian Prince found me on Instagram and he said he’d sell me his so I just transferred him the money and now he’s gonna post it to me in the mail - I am so excited! I’ve decided to start a dream diary because I think my good fortune is a manifestation of my subconscious positivity. I read about that in Miranda Kerr’s book of affirmations. I think that’s why she’s so rich now.
Dear Dream Diary,
I dreamt that I made a typo in my business cards so when I finally got street-style photographed, they tagged @lovesugar_noskinny instead of @loveskinny_nosugar! Mortified. What does this mean?
Xoxo Basic Blogger
Dear Dream Diary,
Last night I had a nightmare that the flower crown I ordered from Urban Outfitters didn’t arrive in time for the festival. I went out into the garden to make my own but there were no flowers, only a vine with bees all over it.
I made the crown but then got stung by a bee and my lips started getting all big but not in a good-Kylie-Jenner-way.
I went to find my anaphylactic epipen but my ex-boyfriend had already used it to try and get high so they took me to hospital, but refused to pump my stomach while I was there. So rude.
Xoxo Basic Blogger
Dear Dream Diary,
I dreamt that on the morning we were supposed to leave, Walgreens sold out of dry shampoo so I couldn’t go.
Xoxo Basic Blogger
Dear Dream Diary,
Last night I had a nightmare. I was eating a perfect pink triangle of watermelon and then I saw Lana Del Rey, but when I called out her name, I dribbled the watermelon on myself. She put it in her Snapchat Story and I had to delete my account.
Xoxo Basic Blogger
Dear Dream Diary,
I wish your cover wasn’t quite so orange. There’s just no space for you in my monochrome flatlays.
Xoxo Basic Blogger
Dear Dream Diary,
I dreamt that my tent was next to that vegan vlogger banana girl’s tent. I asked for a selfie with her, but then when I cooked some bacon in the morning on my camper oven she told me I was forcing her to inhale the fat through the air. She had crazy eyes but very beautiful skin.
Xoxo Basic Blogger
Dear Dream Diary,
Tomorrow is Coachella and I finally had a good dream! I accidentally got high when Snoop Dogg lent me his chapstick! Then I was hanging out with his entourage before his show and had managed to hide my feathered Indian headdress just in time.
Xoxo Basic Blogger
– Bri
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